It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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