i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
