Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
