I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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