I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
