how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
