Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
