dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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