dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
