The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
