Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
