FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize