I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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