I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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