I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
