Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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