Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
