So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
