gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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