Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
