Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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