everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
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