3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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