at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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