ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
