Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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