I could make wine with my vomit
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
then he tried to convert me to islam
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize