I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she woke up with a sticky ear
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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