if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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