Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
