Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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