if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
