It's just like the Real World with babies
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
