eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
