I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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