it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
