the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize