Can Purell be used as lube?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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