i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
