So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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