I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
