he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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