Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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