Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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