i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
