He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
