I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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