do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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