dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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