MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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