well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
