i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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