I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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