who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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