my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
