His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
