Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
