tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
