I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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