Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
