I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
