If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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