all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
