We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
