who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
