you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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