take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
