You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
