Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
