I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize