I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
