She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
