genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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