sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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