I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
