i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
