he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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