How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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