i just wanna soil my oats bro
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
