Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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