so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
