Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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