I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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