Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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