also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Green mimosas i think yes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
