After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
