it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
