Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
