She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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