How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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