We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
