i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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