Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the day after is always just damage control
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
