my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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