dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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