My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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