chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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